I’m sitting at Starbucks, my home away from home, thinking about what I can write to share with you that would be meaningful, maybe helpful. The song “WE ARE FAMILY” by Sister Sledge is playing. I’m reminded of a scene in one of my all time favorite movies, “BIRDCAGE”, with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane (best John Wayne imitation ever) where all the disparate characters in Mardi Gras style costumes file out of the nightclub in a conga line singing “WE ARE FAMILY”. They are people who would never be friends or even speak to each other if they could avoid it, but suddenly they’re thrown together and through the chaos are somehow able to become friends. The music and the party atmosphere bring people together. Not unlike a gathering of family and friends at a holiday dinner, sometimes!
The music is still playing and I start to picture my own families faces dancing in a conga line. They’re all laughing and singing, really enjoying themselves. The friends and neighbors who always joined us at our holiday dinners join in. I imagine everyone gets out of their chairs, my husband and me, too. He would have been in his transfer chair in the later years, but his grandson Ty would have danced him through the line. What fun, I can see everyone singing the words we all know, “WE ARE FAM-IL-Y.”
Then we all break out into just dancing with each other. All different ages and styles. My daughters are dancing together. My twin granddaughters and their little brother are dancing as a trio. My sister and her husband are joining in. I dance with one of my husbands daughters that I hadn’t really bonded with because we live across the country from each other. I can feel tension melt as we smile, dance and sing together. What an ice breaker! Why didn’t we do this before?
How right it would be to remember, as a caregiver, to make a point of enjoying the gathering yourself. Often, it’s all just work on the holidays for us, with the satisfaction being that everyone else enjoyed themselves. Delegate more of the tasks, people are happy to help. Plan ahead, do something so that you get to enjoy the loved ones in your life now, not years from now when there’s time. Maybe.
As I visualize the many beautiful faces of my family and friends in that conga line, I’m looking back at my life, smiling and loving each one of them. Think I’ll go buy that album. Maybe you’ll join me and have your own conga line this year.
WE ARE FAM-IL-Y!