Believe and It Will Happen! How’s That Working For You?

nurture-your-mind

Fascinating how life works, we’ve got to use our imagination before anything we want can happen. We have to imagine (think) we can pick up our cup of coffee before our hand will reach for it. We have to imagine ourselves putting the key into the ignition before we start the car to take us to the job we imagine we’re supposed to go to each day.  A baby has to imagine himself walking before he will take that first step. All this imagining (forethought) happens so fast every moment of everyday that we take it for granted.  We just ASSUME.  We forget that imagination is involved at our most basic level of functionality.

We could move onto bigger things like Edison imagining his inventions before he created them, or Tom Brady imagining winning Super Bowl 51 with the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history.  You creating the life you would find most desirable at this moment in time. I want to make the point that if we’re already doing what we need to know how to do to create the movement and basic function of our lives, then we already know how to create what we want but don’t yet have.  Most of us are just not consciously using our skill to manifest what we desire in our lives.  It’s at this basic level where we just know so clearly that a thing will happen (if you reach for the cup you will pick it up if you choose to) that the magic comes in.  It has to because we’ve willed it and know without question that it will.  We don’t have to think about it.  We just do it. This is Jonathan Livingston Seagull style of knowing!  We all have the ability if we can shed the layers of conditioning that causes us to think we’re limited.

You, like me, may have read every book and heard every motivational speaker out there trying to get a hold on that one tiny little clue that turns our switch on and suddenly says, YOU’VE GOT IT!  WOW, THE ANSWER TO LIFE IS IN OUR HANDS!  It’s going to be a dream world now, like it is for those who tell us they know how to do it.  Do they really know?  To tell you the truth, I think they do.  They’ve found how it works in spite of their own individual experiences and in spite of societies conditioning. I think it’s reverse conditioning.

I think those who consistently function at that highest creative level and demonstrate it by example, have come to that knowing in different ways. Mike Dooley of tut.com is one of those people. He taught himself how to continually create his fabulous life.  He really lives what he has learned. He and others are trying to teach the rest of us, collectively, how to use our innate gifts in order to have the best experience possible while we’re in this life. It’s unbelievably complicated because we each come to the class with a different set of life experiences.  And, unfortunately, most of the 7 billion of us on our planet don’t have a clue that life could be wonderful.

I’m not forgetting about the seemingly impossible odds against a better life that many people are born under.  The suffering and oppression in the world is overwhelming to say the least.  That’s what I mean about how complicated this subject is.  How can it be possible to make something happen that seems like a miracle when overwhelming evidence to the contrary is before ones own eyes? But, that’s what I think I’m starting to grasp. You have to go beyond what is before your own eyes that see through your level of conditioning. I’m hoping more and more people are and the world is on the verge of a tremendous shift in consciousness. It all comes down to imagination, believing something is possible and having unshakeable faith that a thing can come to pass.  One organization I’m aware of that’s bringing healing to Veterans and others around the world is The David Lynch Foundation, davidlynchfoundation.org.  A big miracle!

This subject is much too complicated for just one blog post, but I’m seeing in my own life and the lives of others around me, that small miracles, events that involve the shifting around of fewer circumstances and other peoples lives, appear to happen faster than big miracles.  Today I call all positive things that happen miracles. For so long it was just uncool to say you believed in miracles. Today, when caring about being cool is so uncool, I enjoy watching miracles happen and am intrigued by the speed at which they often do. Having patience while we let the Universe process all the details necessary for the big miracles to happen is easier when we make an effort to grasp the complexity.

I’m always thinking about Caregivers and how their lives are restricted in ways that causes time to seemingly move slowly.  Slowly, in the sense of them being able to get on with the things that need to be done for themselves.  I wish I had known what I know now about creating changes, small miracles and large ones, in my life when I was caring for my loved ones for sixteen years.  I would have been consciously creating more and feeling a lot more patient.

Expect a miracle, they happen everyday!

 

HUGS,

 
 
 
 
Feel free to send me an email with some of your creative ideas. If you have questions, I’m happy to answer your emails. Our FAQ section answers a few common questions and my bio will give you information on my professional background in case I can help you in other matters.

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WINTER REFLECTION

Red cup of coffee and old book on wooden table
“…for experience, the only true knowledge…”
Herman Milville, The Confidence Man

Winter season, along with warm traditional Holidays, brings on the serious time of year, it seems to me.  Unlike Spring, Summer and Fall when we’re more distracted by happenings outdoors, Winter can be a time to curl up by the fireplace and take stock.  We gather the highlights, include the lowlights, recognize that we’ve another year of growth behind us and get ready to start afresh January one. No matter what transpired this last year, we’re coming into the home stretch of 2016 and we can chalk this and all our years up to “our” personal story. Our own precious history, always unfolding, full of the unexpected, rarely what we might have predicted it would look like at any point.

Having lived nearly seven decades, through some serious highs and lows, I could look back and say, “If I had the chance, I would change this or that and life would have been so much smoother or much easier.” I could, but I won’t.

I wonder how many Caregivers look at their current lives and say, “I’m really happy I get to do this.”  That’s a tough one.  When we’re in the midst of life’s challenges, few of us, I suspect, are stopping to say we’re happy about it. I remember saying to myself, “Why does it have to be so hard!?”  Caregiving is hard, it can be backbreaking and both mentally and physically exhausting.  No time for yourself or others you’d like to be connecting with. It seems to be never ending. But, you know you’re going to do it anyway.  You love those you care for.  You’re the best one for the job and you want it done right. But, HAPPY about it?  Perhaps GRATEFUL is the word.

It’s only now, with sixteen consecutive years of Caregiving (for three different loved ones) behind me, that I can see the beauty of it all. That took time and distance.  Today, nearly four years after, I’m GRATEFUL.  I’m grateful for those days that were so hard.  That took so much tenacity.  I know how strong I am.  I can handle tough times, new situations and emergencies. It took a few years distance and a long history of living to recognize that each seaming period of life had its reasons.  All my experiences were absolutely necessary and came along at the perfect time.  From childhood to young adult, to wife and mother, to business owner, to Caregiver, to blog writer for Caregivers, was just what I had to experience in order to be able to handle my story as it continues to unfold. 

Life is never a-piece-of-cake for long.  How boring would that be?  Even during great times, you still have to figure out what to do everyday and how to deal with all the people and situations that surround you.

Experience is life, I hope as you reflect during this Winter season you’ll give yourself the gift of feeling GRATEFUL for your own unfolding unique story.  I’d love to read it!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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Kindness: Attempting To Walk In Another’s Shoes?

INDNESS: Attempting To Walk In Another's Shoes?

The word KIND has come within my purview several times in the last few days. Does it make sense to discuss kindness? I think it does. Will it change the nature of those who don’t understand that they are not innately kind? Probably not, it’s nature after all. What it might do, however, is soothe the hurt caused by those who are unkind. They often mistake kindness for weakness, or as a threat (people don’t like to be reminded of their shortcomings). Reinforcing that kindness is good and it’s right under any circumstances serves everyone well in the long run.

There’s no way to know if most Caregivers are kind. But, I’ll venture to say that most kind people are Caregivers. Kindness is akin to compassion, yet not the same. One who attempts to walk in another’s shoes and tries to provide what they think is needed for that person, with no benefit to themselves, is being kind (a type of kind that’s done when no one is looking). Interestingly, a kind person recognizes immediately when someone else is being kind, and they’re grateful. It’s the little things, like making sure another is included in a conversation. Or, that something they have accomplished is recognized by others. The instinct to notice that someone is being left out is compassion, doing something about it is kind.

In conversation with a close friend recently, I could feel his hurt that his children and siblings hadn’t shown up when he could really have used some help caring for his father. This is a man who shows kindness everyday in many ways, the ultimate Caregiver. He brings flowers to his wife regularly, just to make sure she knows she’s in the forefront of his mind. A sick friend gets chicken soup whether they want it or not, as soon as he’s aware they’re sick. When his brother needed him, wasn’t he always there for him? So why did his brother not offer to do something, even just be there for an hour so he could run some errands?

Who knows? Is it that the brother doesn’t get how hard it is, he just assumes that because you always take care of everything, you’d ask for help if you needed it? Maybe he’s selfish and just doesn’t care? Maybe it’s all of these. It’s too complicated, you’ll never figure it out. So how do you get past the hurt, the lack of kindness and compassion shown toward you?

In my experience, the best way to get past emotional pain is to recognize and greatly value your own freedom to be who you are and nurture it. Somehow you are that kind and caring person you would hope to be. Aren’t you the lucky one? Maybe you’re an old soul. Maybe the brother is a baby soul, just learning to crawl and has no clue yet that walking is the way to go. May I suggest that you do your best to let others be who they are. Let everyone be free to be who they are without your judgement; with its rewards, consequences and all. Everyone is living out their own lives as best they know how. It’s so liberating when you let go of being part of someone else’s actions!

Cherish freedom! Be happy you are who you are. This is what works for me when I feel hurt by someone else’s action or inaction. That is, after my heart hurts a little and tears start to well. We’re all human right?

Big Hug!


 

 


 

PS:  Serendipity strikes again!  The day I wrote this blog about kindness, I received the NOTE FROM THE UNIVERSE below. If you would like to receive a personalized note each weekday, go to tut.com and signup. I’ve been receiving them for about seven years and they help me start my day on a high note!  I know Mike Dooley, went on one of his fabulous Adventure trips, the one to Italy in 2012. They’re cruising the Tahitian Islands in March!

NOTE FROM THE UNIVERSE

To touch someone with kindness, Patricia, is to change someone forever.

Heavy, huh?  That’s nothing.

Because for everyone you touch, you also reach everyone they will ever know.  And everyone they will ever know.  And everyone they will ever know.  And so, for the rest of all time, your kindness will be felt, in waves that will spread, long after you move on.

Muchas gracias,

The Universe

Don’t ask what happens on a bad day, Patricia. 

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Don’t Forget the Music!

I’m sitting at Starbucks, my home away from home, thinking about what I can write to share with you that would be meaningful, maybe helpful. The song “WE ARE FAMILY” by Sister Sledge is playing. I’m reminded of a scene in one of my all time favorite movies, “BIRDCAGE”, with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane (best John Wayne imitation ever) where all the disparate characters in Mardi Gras style costumes file out of the nightclub in a conga line singing “WE ARE FAMILY”. They are people who would never be friends or even speak to each other if they could avoid it, but suddenly they’re thrown together and through the chaos are somehow able to become friends. The music and the party atmosphere bring people together. Not unlike a gathering of family and friends at a holiday dinner, sometimes!

The music is still playing and I start to picture my own families faces dancing in a conga line. They’re all laughing and singing, really enjoying themselves. The friends and neighbors who always joined us at our holiday dinners join in. I imagine everyone gets out of their chairs, my husband and me, too. He would have been in his transfer chair in the later years, but his grandson Ty would have danced him through the line. What fun, I can see everyone singing the words we all know, “WE ARE FAM-IL-Y.”

Then we all break out into just dancing with each other. All different ages and styles. My daughters are dancing together. My twin granddaughters and their little brother are dancing as a trio. My sister and her husband are joining in. I dance with one of my husbands daughters that I hadn’t really bonded with because we live across the country from each other. I can feel tension melt as we smile, dance and sing together. What an ice breaker! Why didn’t we do this before?

How right it would be to remember, as a caregiver, to make a point of enjoying the gathering yourself. Often, it’s all just work on the holidays for us, with the satisfaction being that everyone else enjoyed themselves. Delegate more of the tasks, people are happy to help. Plan ahead, do something so that you get to enjoy the loved ones in your life now, not years from now when there’s time. Maybe.

As I visualize the many beautiful faces of my family and friends in that conga line, I’m looking back at my life, smiling and loving each one of them. Think I’ll go buy that album. Maybe you’ll join me and have your own conga line this year.

WE ARE FAM-IL-Y!

Hugs,

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You Can Fit Two People into the Bathroom on an Airplane!

  “You gotta laugh at some of the things we go through as Caregivers or you could end up crying much of the time.”

About nine months before my husband passed away in early 2010, we received an invitation to my nieces wedding in Sacramento, CA, my hometown.  She’s my only niece and there hadn’t been too many opportunities for the family to gather in many years. One of my three sisters, who I hadn’t seen in 15 years was coming with her husband from Oregon.  I didn’t have to say anything.  Ed knew that I really wanted to go to the wedding and see all my family.  It was, approximately, a two hour plane trip from San Diego. 

“Book the flight and hotel room, we’re going,” he said.  I was thrilled, but then had second thoughts.  Ed was totally blind by then and about 100 pounds.  He could stand on his own but needed guidance and support when walking or using the bathroom.  This would be a tough trip for him.  “Are you sure you feel up to this?” I asked.  “Absolutely,” was his answer.

You can see where this is going. There was no way we could get through a two hour flight without needing a bathroom.  The flight attendants stored the transfer chair safely, just within my reach where they seated us in the front row of coach. When the time came, I said, “Okay, we can do this.”  We had a special way of his getting out of a seat by putting his hands on my shoulders, me with bent knees lifting him up and walking backward so he walked forward.  Once in, getting the door closed behind me was a bit tricky.  But, it can be done.  So don’t miss out on life because of the bathroom problem.

The wedding and family reunion were wonderful.  I didn’t know until months later that Ed didn’t really know if he could get through it.  But, he knew how much I would want to see my family so he was determined.  He always said, “Love finds a way.”

I’d like to say a couple things about walking with someone who is blind and unable to walk on their own.  Caregivers often learn things the hard way.  When Ed’s eyesight first went totally, it was sudden.  Dry macular degeneration with peripheral vision only for several years.  One case in a hundred, one afternoon blood broke through the macula and started flooding one eyes vision and several days later the second.  Total blindness.  After about a year and a half enough blood had dissipated in one eye that there was a little light coming through.  The retina specialist suggested cataract surgery, which was successful. Now there was enough light showing through that he could see shadows and how many fingers I was holding up.  This doesn’t seem like much but it’s huge.  He could tell up from down and had his balance again.

At first we walked with him holding onto my shoulders facing my back. It seemed to work fine.  But he kept getting weaker.  One day we walked out the front door and I stepped down the one porch step to the walkway.  He lost balance and pulled me back on top of him as his back hit the wall and he slid down to the ground. I had caught myself so didn’t crush him. Thankfully, I had just that day,  moved very large pots with trees away from that wall.  His back would have hit the pots and been broken. “We got away in a coach!”  Another of Ed’s sayings. 

From then on, I walked backward with him facing me with his hands on my shoulders.  It worked well.  We even got a little fun out of it.  I would sing as we marched (and I do not have a good voice!), “When Johnny comes marching home again, hurrah, hurrah…” Or, “I’m march’in to New Orleans, she used to be my honey, till she stole all my money…”  You gotta laugh, it helps get you through.

Hugs,

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